Here is what the denizens of the Ludlow-Bromley area are saying about this mind-twisting novel. Bare in mind that most of these comments were delivered via a note tied to a rock or a brick.
“Git the rope, boys! We’ens got us a hippy writer ta lynch!”
The Grand Bozo of the local Ku Klux Klowns, filled with beer.
“T’aint as good as billy goats and the pages get stuck in my teeth.”
The troll who lives under the bridge.
“It’s the greatest book ever written! It’s the next chapter of the goddamned bible! Shields is a god! Please, buy a copy! Buy a dozen! I don’t want that psycho to chop off my. . .”
Unidentified kidnap victim.
“I drew your frigging cover, so what more do you want?! Would you please go away! I’m trying to eat lunch. . .No, you can’t have a french fry! Look, if I plug your Hackwork Red, would you leave me alone? Fine. Buy Target: Akai-I. . .Hey! Come back with my burger!”
David Mack, creator of Kabuki and awfully hungry.
“I used to, like , watch Scooby Doo and wack off at Daphne and Velma. . .”
We don’t know who this guy is. Honest, we don’t!
“Target: Akai is a part of the Afro-Jewish conspiracy to suppress our God-given right to incite hatred, mass hypocrisy and overall stupidity via a constitutional amendment that we will gladly outlaw once we take over after the U.N.’s humiliating defeat! White Power! White Power! Blaa blaa blaa!”
William Pheckle, local white supremacist, playing with his Klaus Barbie doll.
“The character of Akai Hinode Devlin Arcadius is a man-hating lesbian. . .even if she isn’t purple.”
The Rev. Jerry Dingleberry, President and pastor of The Church of the Holier Than Thou Art, Inc.
“I also wacked off at Josie and the Pussycats. . .”
Will somebody get this guy out of here?!
“I knew it! I knew it! I should’ve shot the little bastard when I had the chance!”
The author’s writing instructor, who wishes to remain anonymous.
“Oy Vey! Where did I go wrong?! Bubblah, why can’t you be a nice drug dealer like your cousin Sheckie?”
The Author’s mother, who also wishes to remain anonymous.